I Am Human…Hear Me Roar
That is right…I may be a strong, independent woman, but I too am an emotional creature.
I sit on full airplanes with tears streaming silently down my face, I doubt my innate abilities and talents, I put up with more than I should, and yes I can even be needy at times. Yes, I too am an emotional creature.
I long for extrinsic validation and to be the object of someone’s desire. I yearn for unbridled passion, and sometimes think it will prove that I am worthy of the love appreciation, and affection I so often crave.
I feel guilt when I don’t embody perfection and I shudder when the scale moves two pounds. Yes, I too am an emotional creature.
The last five months have at times felt like a hurdle I might never overcome, as I lied to myself and accepted more than any woman my age, intelligence, and gifts ever should. Love does not feel this way.
Here is what I now know for sure:
Never again….
….will my personal and professional life be out of alignment
….will I lose myself in order to “save” another
….will I give freely until I am depleted and emotionally bankrupt
Never again…will I let good sex lure me into your swindle…or anyone elses for that matter.
I’d rather be alone than lonely and find pleasure in the technological contraptions that you made me shun.
Never again will I sit in this place and feel my stomach turn to the point of despair, fear for my safety in my own home, or feel anxiety by someone’s pending arrival. Yes, I too am an emotional creature-but as cliché as it may sound I AM A SURVIVOR.
This world is made up of two things: Love and Fear. My world does not know fear. There is only love. I can face any challenge and battle my darkest demons and still land on my feet. As the plane starts to descend, I stare out over the water and I know in my core, I am stronger than this tidal wave of emotion. I may be human, but I still know how to ROAR.
To my closest friends that have supported me in this transition Thank You. I never imagined I would ever find myself in this place. It only proves there are no boundaries to emotional or physical abuse: race, class, gender, or academic achievement. I hope my openness allows someone else to speak up instead of shrinking with embarrassment. There is no shame in admitting you need help. I promise it doesn’t get better, not until you walk away.
