Random Things About Me You Never Wanted to Know

• I love food.  I remember every place I have ever visited by what I ate there.  And don’t even get me started about buttercream icing.  Food is a comfort.  I dream about it, have enjoyed sexual activities with it, and like to cook it.  Food is a way I show love and care.  I also used to weigh over 250 pounds when I was married.  I have to work real hard to stay at a reasonable weight.
• Even though I am a feminist and don’t want to be bossed around by a partner, I really enjoy being the caretaker-that is of course if you replenish the emotional bank account every now and then.
• I secretly wish I would look good with either an afro or a bald head.  I think both are beautiful and wish I could wear scarves like the women in Africa do.
• I have a big heart and love full tilt; but my heart snaps shut like a steel trap when I am done.  You are always forewarned-if you are listening.
• I took 13 years of French.  This is not a useful skill in Denver or in Florida.  However, I can sing a song about plucking chickens completely in French.
• I really kind of like being dark and pensive.  I like being alone, and sometimes even fake plans in order to be left all alone on a beautiful day to hole up with all the blinds shut and read.
• I love walking around my apartment in nothing but an oversized tee.  I have no shame.  Sometimes I even water the plants, get the mail, and answer the door like this.  When I owned a home I would wake up at 5 AM and do all my weeding like this.  Inevitably, I would get caught by early rising neighbors.  Still, I had no shame.
• My toes have not been unpainted since I moved to Florida six years ago.  This makes me happy.  When nothing else feels right about my body, I rely on feeling that my feet are sexy.
• I really like lots of piercings and tattoos.  I have removed some piercings and try to control my urges since I am currently working in corporate America.  And I have to ask, what could be more sexy than a woman in a business suit with a small strategically placed nose stud?
• I’m more than a little OCD about things being  in their rightful place (as I define it of course).  I don’t mind picking up behind you- if you don’t freak out when your stuff is moved.  My favorite OCD activity is to deadhead my flowers after work each day.  I think this is because there is a beginning and end, unlike my work.  Gardening allows you to see something in its completion, as does cleaning the house.
• I also have this very irrational fear of termites and mold.
• I break out in hives after prolonged periods of stress (1 month or more).
• I’ve never been a waitress.  Good thing since a) I have a familial tremor and b) am not that nice.
• My hair is naturally curly.  Humidity is not my friend.
• My mom put me in gymnastics and acting classes as a child after my dad caught me crying late at night.  She automatically assumed I was crying because I was overweight and had a self esteem problem.  I don’t know why I was crying, but I gotta give her credit for trying.  I loved acting classes (imagine that, a drama queen enjoying acting), but hated gymnastics.  A schoolmate refused to spot me on the uneven bars because I might squoosh her.
• I absolutely love beauty products.  It is a guilty pleasure so I only buy things on sale, since that makes it right. 
• There are less than 5 people in this world who get me.  They all get different sides to me, but that is ok.  p.s.   A handful is more than enough.
• I like to have bed picnics. If I have one with you it means I really like you.
• I believe that small towns breed small minds, but only as it applies to my own hometown.
• I love non fiction and documentaries, probably because I am a voyeur.
• I am happiest when I am with Jenna, my stepdaughter.  I love her laugh, her snort, her style, her advice, and watching her grow. Oh, and did I forget-her sarcasm, wit, and nasty tone- I love all that too.
• When I can’t sleep I watch trash tv and love it.  John and Kate Plus 8 and Toddlers and Tiaras are a mainstay at 2 AM in my home.  I can’t believe I am admitting this.
• I was a precocious child.  I ordered the catch of the day at 3, and got food poisoning.  I have never eaten fish again.
• Exhibit B: I told my dad to drive me to the library at 9.  Why you may ask?  Because I needed to research Stanford so I could be a psychologist. (My dad actually stopped what he was doing and drove 15 miles to the closest libaray on the spot). 
• Exhibit C: I also got suspended in second grade for bringing tampons to school for show and tell.  I had painted them blue and shaped them like a bell.  They sent me home until my mom explained the birds and the bees.  No wonder I showed up in third grade with a camisole and jean skirt on.  I not only thought I was Madonna; I knew way too much about sex way too young.
• Exhibit D:  I thought I was going to marry Kenny Rogers as a small child.  I even had my 3 year old birthday party at one of his concerts.  My friends and I even got to go back stage and give him roses.  My parents should have known then I liked older people.
• I love gender bending.  I like to look at women that look like men and men that look like women.
• I always over-pack, but I should have anything you forgot.
• I secretly wish I was an engineer.  That’s ok.  It’s never too late, and I’m still trying to change the world where I am at, with what I have.
• I’m completely torn by the mountains or the ocean.  How can you choose?  I can have both in Seattle, but the women there don’t wear cute shoes.
• I am into shoes.  Remember, I think my feet are sexy.  I don’t buy shoes though, I usually get them from other shoe loving friends.
• I don’t pay full price for anything.  I purchase as much as possible at Goodwill.
• I think it is weird when families all live down the street from each other.  I think it is even weirder if they share all their meals and religious services together too.  
• I have never ever played a team sport and was always picked last in PE.  Come to think of it, I am really good at almost everything, except sports or sport related skills.  The only B I got in college was in bowling.  Hey, they made you take a lifetime sport and bowling seemed like the best option for a girl like me.
• I have this amazing ability to get things done.  I am the queen of multi tasking and I have a photographic memory.
• I can’t believe I am going to admit this, but sometimes I collect the recycling, without actually delivering it to it’s proper receptacle.  Because I have to go to a special place to drop it off, if it sits in my trunk too long, it may end up in the closest dumpster.  Horror!  I am going straight to hell for this.  I am so sorry planet Earth.
• I think bartering would be better than a cash economy.  Maybe I will get to experience this after 2012.
• I joke about running a brothel and may actually do this one day.
• I make up stories about people driving next to me.  I bet sometimes they could be true.
• I daydream alot, and I crack myself up.  I love that I laugh outloud in my car from my own little thoughts.

I know I have great things ahead for me.  I’m passionate, hot headed, and smart.  I like to surround myself with a diverse group, but also love it when people are like minded.  I’m really not mean and scary.  There are three types of babies (and this lasts throughout life): the gerber baby, the slow to warm up baby, and the difficult baby.  I am just the slow to warm up baby all grown up.  We may all take different paths and have different stories, but we have more similarities than differences.

~ by Phoenix Rising on May 11, 2009.