Good Vibrations

A close friend told me this would be a totally inappropriate post-but I don’t give a damn.  This girl is desperate and is hoping somebody has a bone to throw her.

I was a rather precocious girl.  I easily got the concept that pleasure was not dependent on another person.  I remember buying my first vibrator in high school along with a girlfriend.  We would rent Sliver or Basic Instinct every weekend and sleep in my twin bed together all hot and bothered.

When I was at boarding school I came home one weekend only to find my toy and my playboy magazine in the center of a neatly made bed.  My parents got new carpet and I guess it was found in the process.  My faux pas was never spoke of, but true to my mothers’ fashion, she wanted me to know what she knew.

Fast forward fifteen years, I am not just an ametuer toy consumer-I am a conneiseur.  I have every make, model, and generation of sex toy available.  None the less, my old standy is a plain jane, no frills, hard, c battery vibrator.  We have a 60 year old black woman at my office who sells sex toys as a side job.  I bought 4 of these toys a while back because I knew they didn’t make this simple model anymore.  I don’t get it.  Why do they think empowered women today would only want toys that work on double A’s?  I was down to my last of these said  holy grails and had been bugging novelty woman to research the market and find me more to no avail. 

The other morning, I am sitting on my bed, getting ready for work and the holy grail rolled out from under my pillow.  I wish someone had a video camera rolling to record my reaction in slow motion.  I screamed “NOOOOOOO!” and lunged to catch it.  The universe was not smiling that day and it hit the floor with a thunk.  The sound it made when I turned it to full speed was so pitiful.  I had a little ceremony as I threw it in the trash that evening.  I had to grieve such an incredible loss to a single girl like me in her sexual peak.  No wonder I have been so bitchy this week.  Can you cut me a little slack?  And by the way, if you have any idea where I may find the holy grail again-please feel free to enlighten me via a comment below.

~ by Phoenix Rising on May 8, 2009.